Dealing with Crohn's

Yesterday was a long day
It's tough to watch people grieve
the loss of a loved one
For me, it may be just as rough
when those who grieve
are who those I love

Some call it paying respect
but I think it runs deeper
with their lives thrashing
in a sea of emotion
I'm honored to be
a safe harbor
if only for a
passing moment

While giving safe passage
is a role I can assume well
it doesn't come without a price
And sure the mental exhaustion
is easy to predict and explain
However, with Crohn's
sometimes the currents run deeper

So with a little extra sleep
I thought that I was doing fine
But that's the mystery of this disease
No one can see what's happening
on your inside, not even you

So after an urgent trip to the bathroom
I get a not so subtle reminder
that while I provide a safe harbor for others
violent undercurrents are still present
And what turned out to be only gas
was also accompanied with a violent signal
Blood

As I walked away from the bathroom
I felt those undercurrents
stripping away my confidence
and my strength
with effort I continue
Now this is something
few understand
It's one thing to be chronically sick
but it's quite another
to be constantly
and occasionally violently
reminded of that fact

It then hits me,
like tumblers of a lock
falling into place
my insight springs open
This journey that I'm on
might be more of my "purpose"
than I ever imagined
That simply continuing
my journey is some how
more important than
anything else I might "do"
That simply being here,
as insignificant as that
may seem to me
might be more important
to others
than anything I might
choose to accomplish
of my on accord