Disability as theater

Posted by iKan2

Ahh... to be normal again
Never to have been diagnosed
Never to have suffered.
The surgeries, the pills
the treatments, the pain

There are some days
when I forget
And everything is
as normal to me
as it is
to everyone else
When I through up
my facade
and only appear
to be normal

Most of the time
I live in a dream
I construct
to hide
my abnormality
And while
you might think
I'm intentionally
my friends and family
It's because
that's the reality
they want to see

They want me
to be normal too
They don't want
to be reminded
of the burden
I carry
nor face
the limitations
I confront
So we're both
in the lie
that I'm normal

Most days
I'm successful
in keeping up
my part of
the deception
For if they
really knew
how much
I suffered
then the pity
and doubt
would appear
quietly replacing
their image
of who I am

then we'd both
have to face
the truth
That I'm not normal
I'm not normal
I haven't been
since I nearly died
in the hospital
more than
twenty years ago

In the beginning
it was so much easier
to pretend
but, for what seems
like an eternity
my struggle to keep
up appearances
has grown
more difficult

Today I let
my real persona
pierce through
the curtain
of our
shared theater
For their was
no denying
by ether of us
that I'm disabled
But tomorrow
who knows
For both
of our sakes
my symptoms
will diminish
and we'll
both back
to believing
that I am whole
At least until
I break
character again.

A feeling of incomplete paradise

Posted by iKan2

Another day in paradise
If it isn't crippling pain
that makes me groan
and curl up into a ball
Then it's a long slow
string of unending trips
to the bathroom.
Tenusmus that's it's
clinical name
but I call it
life as I know it.
A feeling of
incomplete defecation.
Aren't doctors the
real poets of our age?
Then of course
if I'm truly cursed
then I'll get
both together
which I lovingly
call "The Purge"