Dealing with Crohn's

It was so beautiful
Mountains on one side
A lazy river on the other
Clear blue skies and sunny
Warm but, since it's winter, not too hot

And I tried, I really tried
I took some extra meds
To help me control my bowels
However, by the time we got to the park
I was already feeling the unwanted urge
While the park is pretty new
It doesn't have any bathrooms

The plan was while I played in the park
With my 5 year old daughter
My two oldest daughters
Would stay at home
And help Santa
By wrapping everyone's Christmas presents

So after just a short time,
I knew that I was going to need
To go to the bathroom
Since the park is outside of the city
It is somewhat secluded
So I told my daughter to keep playing
While I headed to a distant corner
To relieve myself

Now this is not the first time
I've been caught someplace
Without a bathroom
So I don't have any problems
Doing what I have to do
To avoid an accident

Well everything worked out
I was able to take care of my urge
And I felt relieved
To have gone un-noticed
Without making a mess
Or a spectacle of myself
I felt better
So we were able keep playing
With me thinking I had lucked out
Or so I thought

We kept playing and everything
Was going as planned
But then I had a strong urge
I thought that if I only sat down
That maybe it would pass
Sometimes it is just so hard to know
Whether it is just a little gas
Or something far more serious

When I told my daughter
I had to go again
All she could say was "Again!"
I knew, however, when I stood up
That I wasn't going to be
As lucky as before
I tried make it
I made a run for the corner
But you wouldn't believe
How difficult it is to run
While squeezing your
Ass checks together

Well, when I was about half way there
I lost my battle
And by the time
I had my pants down
I had a pretty big mess on my hands
And in my underwear as well
I finished what I had to do
But there was really
Only one thing to do
I stepped out of my shorts
And my underwear
I pulled on my shorts
Balled up my underwear
And headed for a trash can
I threw away my dirty drawers
Then I headed back
To the playground
To collect my things and
Give the bad news to my daughter
We had to go!

She understood
We headed for the car
With my shorts stuck to my ass
Luckily we had a blanket
For me to sit on
A quick warning call
To my little elves
Then we were headed home

Once home
I went straight to the shower
I kept washing my hands
Hoping that
They no longer smelled
Finally
After washing three or four times
I finished
Once dressed
I threw my dirty clothes in the wash

While driving home
With the air conditioning on high
To cover the smell
I couldn't shake the sense
Of having my my dignity
Stripped .away from me
As I stooped naked
In a ditch